The Socialization Myth
Children who homeschool are often looked at as having poor social skills. Many parents of homeschooled children are asked the question, “What about socialization?”. But studies and real-life observation suggests that the opposite is actually true – homeschooled children have a better set of social skills than do their schooled peers.
First let's look at what good social skills are. (The) “ability to communicate, persuade, and interact with other members of the society, without undue conflict or disharmony.(www.businessdictionary.com)
Another definition:
Social skills are most often thought of as a set of skills that allow us to communicate, relate and socialize with others... (they) include both verbal and nonverbal forms of communication. They often are the way others determine our status, consider us as potential friends or mates, and consider us for employment or promotions in the workplace. The opposite of social skills (which imply skill), is social ineptitude, which is an inability to use the defined set of social skills that would make one a good communicator.(www.wisegeek.com)
Do children learn these skills in a public school setting? For the most part, they don't. In school they learn to sit quietly, not interrupt, do what the teacher says, conform to peer pressure, compete, tease and bully. They don't learn the skill of a good argument – there just aren't enough adults around to encourage that. Argument or disagreement is generally met with “Be quiet, do as you're told.” If they are shorter than average, or overweight, have bad skin or their clothes aren't in style, they are sure to be singled out and made fun of. This could lead to social avoidance, rather than socializing.
In a school setting, where there are so many more children than adults, kids often learn to get attention by acting out in negative ways. While this may give them the attention they desire, it doesn't give them much chance to practice their social skills. Another problem with the school setting is that the majority of the social interaction happens in a very limited subset of society, only those who were born within about a year of each other.
According to David Albert , school may lead to a syndrome in children similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) “...not as a result of a single traumatic episode, but rather as a consequence of repetitive and chronic stress over which the child had no control.”.(“Healing Trauma and school disease: homeschooling is both a creative tonic and a therapeutic intervention for the restoration and preservation of health—the health of children, parents, families and communities.”). When this happens, children can develop one of three coping mechanisms. The first is to remain overly vigilant, always on guard, waiting for the next threat. This leaves the child so tense and distracted that he can't relax enough to learn new things. The second thing that happens is the child will continuously try to change the situation at hand in order to feel safe, like he's trying to distract the threat away. This causes him to overreact to small threats. And the third thing is he will try and get away from the situation mentally by daydreaming or spacing out. Albert continues by stating that, “You might also recognize that I've provided a virtual textbook description of the symptomology of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) (perhaps coupled with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, ODD).”. So then the child may end up medicated with a mood altering drug, thus further interfering with his ability to learn social skills.
What about homeschooled children? How do they learn social skills? According to Dr. Raymond Moore, "The idea that children need to be around many other youngsters in order to be 'socialized,' is perhaps the most dangerous and extravagant myth in education and child rearing today."(qtd in “Social Skills and Homeschooling: Myths and Facts”). Homeschooled children learn their social skills in the very same setting where they will end up practicing them their entire life – the real world. They interact with their peers, certainly, but usually one on one or in small groups. Importantly, these interactions are with parental or adult supervision. They interact more with their parents and siblings, though, than they do with their peers. And because of this, they become more confident and self assured, more trusting, giving them the ability to practice their social skills in a confident and relaxed state of mind.
There have been studies done on the socialization of homeschooled children. In one study by the Discovery Institute in July of 2000, home schooled children were studied alongside their schooled peers. The researchers were not told which were which. The home schooled kids ended up being assessed as “well adjusted”, and as displaying less frequent behavioral problems. According to the scientist who did the study, Dr. Patricia Lines, “There is no basis to question the social development of homeschooled children.”. (qtd. In “Social Skills and Homeschooling: Myths and Facts”).
In her book, The “Well Adjusted Child”, Rachel Gathercole speaks to the socialization myth. She did her own research by reading about it, experiencing it herself as a homeschooling mom and then interviewing hundreds of homeschoolers. She found there are many arenas for homeschooled kids to learn to socialize. Some of these arenas are; playing organized sports, babysitting, taking community classes, going shopping, going to camp, 4-H, volunteering, and scouting. Gathercole also found that the quality of the social experience is better for the homeschooled child. She says, “What the public doesn't know is that homeschooling offers children many social benefits above and beyond what is offered by the institution of school.”(qtd. in “book review of The 'Well Adjusted Child', Nelly Heitman”). What Gathercole learned is that by forming and maintaining the closer and deeper relationships with parents and siblings, homeschooled kids are able to better learn conflict resolution than those in a school setting. And by going out in the community and interacting with a diverse population, they learn to be more tolerant and open to diversity than the children who are in school all day every day. Also, homeschooled children are well supervised enough to be able to be taught how to deal with bullying, teasing and adversity as it happens, rather than being left to fend for themselves.
We as a culture need to value the benefit of good social skills. As defined earlier, social skills are the basis for which we choose and maintain jobs, friendships and our mates. Perhaps the institution of school should take a closer look at socialization.















Works Cited Albert, David H., and Joyce Reed. “Healing trauma and school disease: homeschooling is both a creative tonic and a therapeutic intervention for the restoration and preservation of health – the health of children, parents, families and communities.” Natural Life. Sept-Oct 2009 p28(4). Health & Wellness Resource Center. Web. 4 Mar 2010. Heitman, Nelly. “The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling.” ForeWord . (2007). Academic OneFile. Web. 4 Mar. 2010. Holm, Jason. “Schools are for Fish.” Comic Strip. Inflatablestudios.com. Web.1 Mar. 2010. Kirkman, Rick, and Jerry Scott. “Baby Blues.” Comic Strip. Babyblues.com. 9 June 2008. Web 1 Mar. 2010. Lawson, Candy, Ph.D. “Social Skills and School.” CDL.org. Center for Development and Learning. Web. 7 Mar. 2010. Shaw, Isabel. “Social Skills and Homeschooling: Myths and Facts.” Familyeducation.com. Pearson Education, Inc. Web. 4 Mar. 2010.