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Motivated
As a young adult straight out of high school I had little motivation or sense of purpose in my life. I was just glad to be on my own, making my own decisions. My father while always present was never a huge part of my life. I’m not sure why he chose to distance himself from us kids the way he did. He grew up in Eastern Oregon on a cattle ranch but chose to leave that kind of life and strike out on his own. I remember him telling me once his father wanted him to take over the family farm but that’s not what my dad wanted to do. After a few tours with the Air Force he eventually ended up going to college and becoming an engineer working for OSU.
When I was growing up it was all about my mom. She had me in all kinds of sports to keep me busy. I really enjoyed the friends and team atmosphere of sports. The thrill of victory as well as the shared agony of defeat somehow created a sense of belonging and kinship. My dad was however never a part of it. I love my dad and loved him back then as well, but he never took the time to share any of his love with me. I remember very few occasions when he helped me work out a problem as a child. Usually I was left up to my own devices and I learned to rely on myself. I didn’t know any different.
Around high school age I had a keen sense of missing my dad, especially when I played sports. My mom never ever missed a game for either myself or my older sister and brother but my dad rarely ever showed. I wanted him to be there to watch me try my best. To say, good game son, or hey, I noticed this and lets work on that together this weekend. No talks, no advice, other than to say stay off drugs ever crossed between us.
My mom tried to rein me in when I started to assert my will upon her, but I mostly won those battles bless her heart. I was out and about much too late at night up to no good what so ever. I never got in any trouble with the law but I was unlucky enough to screw my life up royally in the end. Well maybe not screw myself, but I definitely made it a lot harder than it had to be.
I first entered LBCC way back in 1991 and failed miserably as other priorities suddenly took over my life. I had little focus and no idea what I wanted to do with my future. All I knew was I had to work and make a life for myself and my family. I was neither disciplined nor smart enough to take advantage of the resources at my disposal to get through school at that time. I was however fortunate enough to land a good job working at HP for the next 17 years. While working my butt off on crazy nightshifts with long hours on end, I struggled to cope, grow up, and raise a family. Sometimes I don’t know how I made it. Many times I thought about what I would like to do with my life verses what I thought I had to do to make it. I struggled hard and eventually gave up my desires to do something I wanted to do verses living comfortably and doing what I needed to do.
Not until a couple of years ago when I landed what I thought was a dream apprenticeship within HP did I dare to start dreaming again about doing something I really enjoyed for a career. Unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be but that job did have a silver lining to it. One day one of my new co-workers mentioned to me that the State Police were hiring and that I should try out. While being a police officer had always been on my mind as something I wanted to do I never quite got up the nerve to pursue it whole heartedly. I actually had once almost quit my job pursuing that very thing but I never had been courageous enough to take the leap. This time however I did and I decided to apply. I was accepted to try out the very next month.
Long story short, a few months later I was let go from my long time employer and finally decided what I wanted to do with my life. With government assistance and the blessing of my wife, I am back at school pursuing an Associate degree in criminal justice, so I can eventually pursue a career in law enforcement. Even my dad said that while he is scared for me, that he supports me fully. A shock to say the least but as our relationship matures over the years and he spends time with my kids like I wish he had spent time with me all those years ago things change. We have a better relationship now and I’m glad for it.
When I was growing up it was all about my mom. She had me in all kinds of sports to keep me busy. I really enjoyed the friends and team atmosphere of sports. The thrill of victory as well as the shared agony of defeat somehow created a sense of belonging and kinship. My dad was however never a part of it. I love my dad and loved him back then as well, but he never took the time to share any of his love with me. I remember very few occasions when he helped me work out a problem as a child. Usually I was left up to my own devices and I learned to rely on myself. I didn’t know any different.
Around high school age I had a keen sense of missing my dad, especially when I played sports. My mom never ever missed a game for either myself or my older sister and brother but my dad rarely ever showed. I wanted him to be there to watch me try my best. To say, good game son, or hey, I noticed this and lets work on that together this weekend. No talks, no advice, other than to say stay off drugs ever crossed between us.
My mom tried to rein me in when I started to assert my will upon her, but I mostly won those battles bless her heart. I was out and about much too late at night up to no good what so ever. I never got in any trouble with the law but I was unlucky enough to screw my life up royally in the end. Well maybe not screw myself, but I definitely made it a lot harder than it had to be.
I first entered LBCC way back in 1991 and failed miserably as other priorities suddenly took over my life. I had little focus and no idea what I wanted to do with my future. All I knew was I had to work and make a life for myself and my family. I was neither disciplined nor smart enough to take advantage of the resources at my disposal to get through school at that time. I was however fortunate enough to land a good job working at HP for the next 17 years. While working my butt off on crazy nightshifts with long hours on end, I struggled to cope, grow up, and raise a family. Sometimes I don’t know how I made it. Many times I thought about what I would like to do with my life verses what I thought I had to do to make it. I struggled hard and eventually gave up my desires to do something I wanted to do verses living comfortably and doing what I needed to do.
Not until a couple of years ago when I landed what I thought was a dream apprenticeship within HP did I dare to start dreaming again about doing something I really enjoyed for a career. Unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be but that job did have a silver lining to it. One day one of my new co-workers mentioned to me that the State Police were hiring and that I should try out. While being a police officer had always been on my mind as something I wanted to do I never quite got up the nerve to pursue it whole heartedly. I actually had once almost quit my job pursuing that very thing but I never had been courageous enough to take the leap. This time however I did and I decided to apply. I was accepted to try out the very next month.
Long story short, a few months later I was let go from my long time employer and finally decided what I wanted to do with my life. With government assistance and the blessing of my wife, I am back at school pursuing an Associate degree in criminal justice, so I can eventually pursue a career in law enforcement. Even my dad said that while he is scared for me, that he supports me fully. A shock to say the least but as our relationship matures over the years and he spends time with my kids like I wish he had spent time with me all those years ago things change. We have a better relationship now and I’m glad for it.
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jacobrk1 |
Latest page update: made by jacobrk1
, Aug 2 2009, 2:34 PM EDT
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